World's Worst: Caught in the Act

Continuing with the World's Worst theme:

The Ten Worst Things to say when your best friend catches you in bed with his wife*

1. "Remember how in college I let you take my new car for a test drive and didn't say anything when you banged it up? Well.." ("And my car didn't even have any mileage on it!")

2. "What?! It is Thursday, isn't it?" ("Oops! Sorry. So I'll see you tomorrow then?")

3. "Um. Oh hi! there you are! I just stopped by to give you your shotgun back. I think I managed to fix it. Look, here it is. I even cleaned it and loaded it and everything. You should try it out soon and let me know." ("Run that by me again. In bullet points, this time.")

4. "Look, I'm really sorry. It's just that my wife won't sleep with me because of the syphilis." ("Nothing to worry about though. The doctor says I should be fine in a week")

5. "Donald, old buddy, I don't know how to tell you this, but I think your wife might be cheating on you". ("I'm just sorry I had to be the one to tell you")

6. "Don't worry. She's already pregnant." ("We think it was probably the milkman")

7. "If it's any consolation, I was going to kill her afterwards." ("With this ice-pick, see. Like so.")

8. "What are you getting so upset about anyway? I was just trying her on for size" ("You didn't seem to mind so much when I tried on your jock strap. Oh, you didn't know about that either?")

9. "Did you know you're out of Vodka?" ("Oh, and you also need some crackers. Preferably the whole wheat ones, with the sprinkling of parsley on top")

10. "THIS is the best you could do?" ("Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.")

Bonus Worst thing to say: "That death's unnatural that kills for loving. / Alas, why gnaw you so your nether lip? / Some bloody passion shakes your very frame: / These are portents; but yet I hope, I hope, / They do not point on me." (Nice going, Desdemona; like that's going to stop a bloodthirsty moor!)

* An entirely fictional situation that I am NOT personally acquainted with of course. You see, almost none of my close friends are married.