Sunday, December 18, 2005

Death by Coffee

As I got to my office coffee machine this morning (yes, I know it's Sunday - but we PhD students are beyond such trivialities as days of the week) it occured to me (for no reason in particular) that someone may have placed a small crystal of lethal poison at the tip of the dispenser, so that the poison would dissolve into the next cup of coffee that came out of the machine and the person drinking it would be dead in a few hours. The idea seemed so real for a moment that I almost considered going without coffee. Almost.

That way madness lies; let me shun that

9 comments:

Accidental Fame Junkie said...

Death is a good idea but a public coffee dispenser? Huh-huh. Bad planning. It's too randomised to work.

meditativerose said...

yeah yeah .. what's the risk of possible death compared to the certain horror of a day passed in a caffeine deprived haze :)

Sujith said...

Boy!!! Must have been some effort convincing yourselves to have the coffee!

Falstaff said...

AFJ: Ah, but the randomisation is the point. It's the idea of killing someone in a way that couldn't possibly be traced back to you. Not much fun if you're the victim though.

MR: No, no - wouldn't have passed day in caffeine deprived haze - would have gone out and got coffee from nearby cafe. It was just the one coffee machine I had doubts about, it wasn't like someone injected me with a secret serum that would make the coffee turn to poison in my bloodstream or something. Oh. Damn.

Neela said...

I don't get this. You have an office coffee machine????? Ok that's it - I'm poisoning that one TODAY!! don't care who gets fried -any one of you spoilt brats is good enough for me.

n!

Falstaff said...

neela: As a matter of fact, we have two - meaning a choice of 6 different flavours of coffee. Not counting the espresso maker.

Accidental Fame Junkie said...

But if you do want to kill a particular person, then what is the point of using a plan that has about 99% chance of going wrong?

Falstaff said...

AFJ: See JAP's comment to the next post. 98% of people in the world are morons. All morons deserve to die. Therefore this poisoning scheme has a 98% chance of success (99% if I swear off the machine). There's efficiency for you.

Accidental Fame Junkie said...

You are delightfully morbid!