Monday, December 19, 2005


Have you ever had the experience where you hear someone talking around you and have this urge to step over and slap them out of their stupidity?

Like the other day at the Met's Van Gogh exhibition there was this twenty-something who was loudly proclaiming that she didn't see what the big deal was and she could have painted this herself and how this whole Van Gogh thing was mostly hype. Or the young woman sitting behind me at the Dianne Reeves concert on Saturday who went on about how she loved the third LOTR movie because it had such great action and that Aragorn guy looked so cute, but she thought the first movie was sssoooo boring [1] - apparently they just walked and talked and walked and talked - and overall would pick Harry Potter over Tolkien any day. People like that deserve to be roasted over a slow fire, preferably in their own moisturising creams.

That's why I'm so amused when people talk about the population problem. To me, the solution is obvious - just get rid of all the cretins who don't deserve to live anyway, and there'll be plenty of natural resources to go around between the few million people left (though, of course, most of them will still want to live in New York, so it won't help Manhattan rents much).

Also, have you ever come across one of those stupid posters / mementos that say things like "It takes 456 muscles to frown, it takes only 6 muscles to smile", as though efficiency of muscle use were the only reason to be sad or happy. It always makes me want to ask - how many muscles does it take to be a moron?

Right. Now to get through the rest of the week.

[1] In the interests of disclosure I should say that the first LOTR movie was the only one I could really stand. Okay, so they left Tom Bombadil out and Liv Tyler got her stupid star turn, but at least they didn't actively corrupt the meaning / logic of the book; after what they did to the Ents in the second movie I never found the heart to forgive them.


Anonymous said...

hehe...getting rid of all the cretins who don't deserve to live is an awesome idea...thought of it way back in school when I had to share the same class for 8 hours with at least 40 of them (of a class of 45)......though how does one decide which deserve to die, where is the line to be drawn?


Falstaff said...

anjali: Well, since it's my idea in the first place, I think it's only fair that I get to draw the line - I think you'll agree that that's only fair. Most cretins could be eliminated through simple selection procedures (like coating Britney Spears albums with arsenic); the remaining will have to be dealt with on a case by case basis through a process too complicated to really explain. I suspect you'll find, though, that after I've eliminated all the people I think are cretins very few of the people left will take issue with my decisions; some of the cretins may question by objectivity, but, well, they're cretins, what do they know?

Jabberwock said...

My standard response when anyone says "It takes 456 muscles to frown, it takes only 6 muscles to smile" (and they say it to me all the time) is "Ya, but I like working out." (Actually I don't, but don't tell anyone.)

And ditto about the first LOTR movie - the battle scenes in the second and third films had my eyes glazing over.

Cheshire Cat said...

If by "cretins", you mean philistines, I share wholeheartedly in your contempt (and there does seem to be enough of that to go around...). But abolishing them is hardly the solution. Honestly, don't you derive some pleasure from the feeling of being marginalized, unappreciated by the world at large? I know that my self-esteem derives principally from the comfortable illusion of being "above" the common herd. And so I need them - the irony is that they are far more important to me than I am to them. (If indeed they are aware of my existence/superiority, which I highly doubt, considering they are cretins. (Come to think of it, I've never had a strong belief in my own existence, owing to my ectoplasmic nature, so they should be spared the blame.))

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

But of course. Gratifying, now that you've confirmed we agree on this point. 98% of the world's population are retards.

I had a similar post some time back; one lady objected to the use of the term "retards" but was OK with "moron" and "cretin". My (our) case rests.


Falstaff said...

Jabberwock: You do realise that no true blue cretin is going to be able to figure that one out don't you?

I didn't mind the battle scenes so much - what got to me was all the hindi filmi romance (complete with Elrond as disapproving father, for chrissake!) and the soppy, protracted end to the third movie.

Cat: Hmmm. What say we get rid of half the cretins and keep the rest around to feel superior to. Maybe we could have some sort of cretin zoo - put the creatures in cages and make them wax eloquent about movies starring Tom Cruise just so you could go throw peanuts at them and make yourself feel special?

JAP: Ah, yes, politically correct retards. You'll be glad to know that I sent an e-mail to my architect and he confirmed that yes, there is a special place for them in Hell.