A joke in time, or nine of them

The world is alive with the possibility of obvious bad jokes. Seriously, everywhere I look these days there's a news story or a blog post that's just crying out for a wisecrack. Which is why every now and then I feel the need to share them with you. It's not good to keep these things bottled up, you know, you spend a lifetime repressing the urge to make that corny quip and before you know it you're voting George W. Bush to power.

One of the principal amusements of my life these days is reading the 'news articles' that show up every time I log out of my Yahoo Mail account (since I check mail roughly three times an hour, thus ensuring that I read the three mails I get each day within fifteen minutes of their arrival, this happens a lot). When they're not covering major news stories (such as, for example, Liz Claiborne's demise), or providing their daily report on the weather in Paris Hilton's head, these stories generally involve obscure news items that are surreal to the point of being funny. It's difficult to remember, sometimes, whether I read them in the Onion or on Yahoo! News. Obviously the actual articles themselves are a lot more serious than anything in the Onion, but this only makes the whole thing funnier. You keep reading the thing waiting for the punch line that never comes.

Yesterday, for example, there was a story about a guy who's started a dating site for farmers. So many agricultural jokes to choose from there. Like the one about the guy who was just looking to plough the field a little, you know, sow a few wild oats. Or the one about the guy who was tired of spending all his free time with his hoe. Or the whole "why buy a Holstein when Guernseys are cheap" philosophy of marriage. And don't even think about mentioning seed exchanges.

Today, there's a story about a dust storm on Mars. Apparently dust storms on Mars frequently end up covering half the planet. No wonder those little green men are always trying to invade earth. Just think of the amount of time they'll save on vacuuming.

In other other news, here's the Language Log on the various meanings of being a bong. None of them, amazingly, involving a penchant for sickening sweets or a love of soccer.