Monday, December 24, 2007

The Bag


"Yes, dear?"

"Have you seen my bag?"

"Your bag, dear?"

"You know, my rucksack - the one I carry all the toys in."

"Oh, that bag. It's outside on the washing line, dear."

"What's it doing there?"

"I washed it, dear. It was all grungy with soot. We can't have you going around with a bag like that."

"Yes, yes, but it's Winter. It'll take AGES to dry. It's probably frozen solid out there right now."

"Very likely, dear."

"But I need it tonight! How am I going to carry all the presents around with me without my bag?"

"Don't worry, dear. We have plenty of bags."

"No we don't. None that are big enough. I don't understand why you had to wash my bag just when I was going to need it."

"Now, now. Don't fuss, dear. Of course we have bags big enough. Why, you can take the laundry bag."

"The laundry bag? That ugly, shapeless red monstrosity?"

"Yes, dear. It's very spacious. I'm sure all the toys will fit."

"I can't take the laundry bag!"

"Why not, dear?"

"Because, I'll look stupid walking around with it."

"Come, come dear, I'm sure no one will notice."

"Of course they will! Me, with a stupid lump of a red bag instead of my usual state of the art rucksack. Of course they'll notice."

"But dear, I thought you were the one who said appearances didn't matter in your work."

"What? When did I say that?"

"When we were discussing that new diet plan."

"Oh, that. But look, this isn't about other people. It's about my personal work ethic. I'm a professional. I can't just show up for work with any old bag."

"But it's just this once dear. By next year your usual bag will be dry and you can go back to using that."

"No, no, it won't do. It won't do at all. Just think of the contrast. Me in by all black costume carrying a red bag. A RED bag. Surely even you can see how ridiculous that'll look."

"Yes, well, that reminds me. About your costume, dear. I've been thinking..."

[Okay, okay, so I lied when I said I couldn't come up with any other Christmas stories]

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