World's Worst: Caught in the Act 2

Just going over the Caught in the Act blog, realised that some of the jokes may come across as somewhat sexist. This is entirely unintentional, of course. But just to make it clear that I'm an equal opportunity jokemaker, here are:

The Ten Worst things to say when your ex-girlfriend finds you in bed with her husband*

1. "You're right, he is inadequate." ("Talk about shortcomings!")

2. "It's not what you think. Before he had the operation, she and I used to date." ("I'm looking up all my old flames, btw. Oh, not you. Just the important ones.")

3. "You remember how you always said I should try seeing things from your point of view. Well.." ("I have this sudden inexplicable urge to go out and buy shoes.")

4. "He's asked me to move in with him!" ("Do you think it's too soon?")

5. "I think I might still have feelings for you." ("I think what we need here is closure.")

6. "Did you know you're out of Vodka?" ("Donald across the street didn't have any either. What is it with you folks in the suburbs?")

7. "So then he said, 'That's not how she does it, she does it like this' and I wouldn't agree with him, because, honestly, I KNOW better and well, one thing led to another..." ("The pink negligee? I had to put that on to make it seem more authentic, didn't I?")

8. "We love each other. As soon as his citizenship comes through we're clearing out your joint checking account and heading out to Florida. And there's nothing you can do to stop us." ("Thanks for marrying him, btw. I was a little hesitant about tricking someone into that, but after I met you and checked it out by dating you, I figured you weren't really into men anyway, so you wouldn't mind.")

9. "He tricked me! I thought it was you!" ("He was even wearing your underwear and everything.")

10. "So, when you said we should start seeing other people, you meant DIFFERENT people?" ("All right, then. And just to show there are no hard feelings, there's this really great guy I could set you up with.")

* Another completely fictional situation. Ex-girlfriends of mine don't marry. They tend to sit in darkened rooms rocking back and forth while clutching a butcher knife and muttering dire threats against the male sex.