The New Girl

Everyone flirts with the new girl. I mean everyone. From those preternaturally single guys in IT to the married-with-children creeps from accounting. Even Sharma, whose wife actually works in the next department for god's sake, is always hanging around, trying to strike up a conversation. And you can't tell me that Mishra's sudden interest in 'team building' has nothing to do with his department's latest hire.

Frankly, it's disgusting. There they are, hanging around her at lunch time like a bunch of limp, wingless pigeons, solicitude guttering from their throats, or stopping by her desk whenever they feel like it to ask how she's settling in. "Don't you have work to do?" I feel like asking them. The bastards. Pretending to be all friendly and concerned when all they really want is a peek down her shirt. Can't they see that she has no interest in talking to them? That when she smiles at them or engages in small talk it's just because she's new and doesn't want to seem impolite? That all she wants is to be left alone? Men, I tell you.

Poor thing. What she really needs is a friend. Someone she can really talk to. Someone who'll understand what she has to put up with, who'll sympathize. Maybe someone who'll even shame some of these leeches into staying away. Hmm. Let me just go over and say hello...