The Book, The Movie and the Brotherhood

I don't know what I hate more. The fact that the Indian Government is going around committing such gross violations of freedom of speech as banning the film version of the Da Vinci Code. Or the fact that they're doing that means I now have to defend - actually DEFEND - crap like the DVC.

Apparently the movie is now to be previewed by Christian groups, after which a decision on whether or not to ban it will be taken [1]. Can we take it that this is now official government policy? That you get to watch any film that might offend you and approve its release. Have I mentioned how much porn offends me?

Oh, and can we therefore assume that every other movie that's been released in recent times meets with the Church's complete approval? So for instance, Basic Instinct 2 is a completely unobjectionable film, brimming with morals and plain old-fashioned Christian virtue? Stabbing someone repeatedly with an ice-pick right after you've had sex with them is A-okay with the Church, just as long as we're all clear that our Lord the Saviour wasn't getting any.

And speaking of sex, isn't that another of those things that the Church disapproves of? Are we to assume, therefore, that the next time one plans to use a condom, one has first to call one's local church group and have them come by and watch to make sure they approve?

Oh, and what about Muslims (who are apparently supporting the ban, scenting, no doubt, the sweet possibility of precedent)? If you're offended by the idea that Christ and Magdalene might have been getting jiggy with it, then surely the fact of a whole other religion, especially one which discredits your prophet and usurps God for itself, should be even more horrifying. If we are going to go down the route of not offending anyone, surely the first step is to ban religion?

Okay, okay, so I'm ranting. I can't help it. The whole thing is just too ridiculous from beginning to end. It's ridiculous that anyone would take a work of pulp fiction this seriously, that a centuries old faith would even dignify this sort of idiocy with a response [2]. It's ridiculous that the leaders of one of the world's most powerful religions should be so insecure as to need every tiny detail of their belief system to be true [3]. It's ridiculous that these leaders think that the best way to suppress the message of the book / film is to initiate a huge public debate about it, thus ensuring that you no longer have to watch the film / read the book to find out what the offending argument is - you can just hear it on the news. It's ridiculous that the government of a supposedly secular state would give even a moment's consideration to the request for such a ban, let alone approve it.

It's not just the principle of the thing, or the fact that it goes against every ideal of democracy, freedom or multiculturalism. It's not just that it involves making the incredible leap of logic that says that a person who willingly goes to a cinema hall, buys a ticket and sits through a movie (presumably you have to watch the whole film before the plot twist becomes clear) is somehow being forced to witness a blasphemy and must therefore be protected [4]. It's also the sheer impracticality of it - do these people realise the precedent they're setting? Every religious fundamentalist in the country must be jumping with joy at this point. If the government does this for the DVC, how are they ever going to justify not doing this for every other crackpot little group that finds something offensive? We might as well stop all movie shows right now and force all cinema halls to play endless re-runs of Krishi Darshan.

Look, I'm pretty sure DVC will be a crap film. I'm sure it'll be one standard Hollywood blockbuster whose only merit will be the opportunity it offers to completely shut off your brain and be mindlessly entertained by it. I'm sure I'll either avoid it or go watch it and be pained by it and write scathing reviews making fun of it. But it's my right to be pained by any movie I choose to be pained by, and I'll be damned if I'll let the government take that right away from me.

[1] I'm not sure I see the point of this. I mean what are they expecting the Christian groups to say? "Oh, they were talking about THAT Christ and Magdalene pairing? That's okay then. We were afraid it might have been the other one. Go ahead and show the film. We're fine with it. Hell, we can be as open-minded as anyone else"

[2] Are there really people out there who believe everything they see in the movies? Life must be really tough for them. They're probably sitting cowering in their basements right now, wondering whether the martians will get them first, or the dinosaurs, or Global Warming (I'd bet on Global Warming, btw). Or maybe they're hoping Spiderman will save them.

[3] Will someone please explain to me what the big deal about this secret descendants of Christ thing is anyway? I mean it's not like we're saying all the other good stuff the man did, all the dying on the Cross to redeem humanity stuff, is not true. So he had a little fun before he did all that. Why the desperate need to believe in his virginity? Except, of course, that it makes all these priests who've been going around being all celibate look pretty darn silly.

[4] I mean, look, we don't even ban cigarettes, dammit, and those things are actually BAD for you. If you're really concerned about the offensive nature of the film, just put up a statutory warning saying that the film may be offensive to certain religious sensibilities, why don't you?

Categories: CurrentAffairs, Rant