Monday, May 01, 2006

The Three Muffetters

Inspired by heh heh:

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and stuff.
Along came a spider
And ended up inside her
'Cos yoghurt just wasn't enough.

Little Miss Muffet
Sat at a buffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
Saying, "No fly in the soup today?"

Along came a spider
And sat down beside her,
Asking "how much do you weigh?"
Little Miss Muffet
Told it to stuff it
And went on eating her whey.

Little Miss Muffet
Had had enough, it
Was all a stupid mistake.
It was bad enough the spider
Came and sat down beside her
But couldn't they have got her some steak?

Little Miss Muffet's
Steak was so tough it
Really couldn't be medium.
Along came a spider
And ended up inside her
It was rare, but it broke the tedium.

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Waiting to meet her spider.
He didn't come
He thought she was dumb
And he didn't care for whey either.

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Wondering how 'tuffet' was spelled.
Along came a spider
And she had to confide her
Ignorance of what whey was as well.

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and tofu.
A spider came by
With an organic fly
Saying "I shop at Trader Joe's too".

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her whey and curds.
Along came a spider
But couldn't sit beside her
That seat, it seemed, was reserved.

Little Miss Schneider
Sat on a spider
Thinking it might be a tuffet
The spider got squashed
Miss Schneider said "Gosh!
You must have me confused with Miss Muffet"

Bonus Adult Versions:

Sad and lonely
The ever so comely
Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet.
Along came a spider
Who tickled inside her
She said "Like it? Oh, darling, I luff it."

Little Miss Muffet
Lay on her tuffet
Feeling a little bored.
Along came a spider
And lay down beside her
And Miss Muffet ain't so little any more.


Veena said...

Here..couldn't resist:

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curd and rasam
Along came a spider
With a bowl of sambar
And said "Oh yeah, I am Tam"

ozymandiaz said...

Funny stuff. Your a sad desperate man with too much time on your hands, hugh? (Takes one to know one kinda thing)

Heh Heh said...

jack and jill
went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
jack fell down,
and broke his crown,
good, the little f**ker deserved it.

Tabula Rasa said...

better still (not original):

jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
goodness knows what they did up there
but they came down with a daughter

(works best if said nursery-rhyme fashion - "waaaa-ter")

Falstaff said...

Veena: What, no thayir sadam?

Oz: Au contraire. Today was actually a desperately busy day. All the more reason to defy the odds and write this stuff. Besides, it didn't take that long. It actually came close to being one of the quickest posts I've written this week.

Also, who's hugh?

heh heh: NNNOOOO! don't get me started on another one, dammit.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack needed three
To do laundry
And Jill was out of quarters.

tabula rasa: Ah, if we're doing unoriginal ones, there's nothing to touch Lewis Carroll:

"Twinkle, Twinkle Little Bat
How I wonder what you're at
Up above the world you fly
Like a tea tray in the sky"

Brilliant that.

Aparna Menon said...

you are soooooo hilarious. i keep visiting your blog often and they just keep getting better and better.. u have some deal to get more than 24 hours a day!!??

Tabula Rasa said...

agree, but it's a different genre.

Tabula Rasa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cheshire Cat said...

Hey, I thought you were in grad school. "Today was a desperately busy day".

Sounds suspicious to me...

Falstaff said...

Aparna: Thanks. No deal. Just an ability to go with very little sleep. And a grad student life-style.

tr: true.

cat: oh, come on. We grad school types have our busy days too. Maybe just twice a year perhaps, but it happens. Like when you have a paper deadline in 24 hours and you realise you've been so busy running the analysis that you haven't actually started writing the damn thing yet. On days like that one might have to work as much as, oh, I don't know, 10, even 11 hours?

Borax said...

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead,
And now she takes the lamb to school,
Between two chunks of bread.

But this one I like better:
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor fainted!