Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Okay, now I KNOW the US Army is desperate

You know all the cartoons in the papers that talk about military recruiters going after anyone and everyone?

Well, I just got a mail from the local recruiting officer asking me if I wanted to join the US Marine Corp.

Okay, technically, he's inviting me to join their summer training program for officers, which is apparently "the best management training program in America" according to (hold your breath!) Inc. Magazine, but the mail assures me that once I'm done with the course I should have no problem at all in going on to become a trained pilot flying "some of the most advanced tactical aircraft in the world" or, if I'd prefer it, I could choose to be a Lieutenant in the Marine Corp and "receive starting salaries of $40,000-49,000 a year plus incredible benefits" (which presumably include butch haircuts and the chance to get shot for some bogus political agenda).

All I can say is, I hope these idiots are better with targeting bombs than they are with e-mail. Otherwise a hell of a lot of innocent people are getting killed (oh, wait, that explains a lot. No wonder they invaded Iraq when they wanted to go after terrorists in Afghanistan).

Maybe I should consider it though (never mind that I'm not an undergraduate student, able-bodied, of sound mind, or a US citizen - all of which you need to be to qualify). I mean okay, so boot camp will be hell (the first forty five minutes of Full Metal Jacket flash through my head) but there may be situations where being a mean, green fighting machine may turn out to be handy. Like for my dissertation defense, for instance. Or when I'm trying to keep 70 year old grandmas from pushing in in front of me in the supermarket check-out line.

And hey, if Woody Allen could be a war hero in Love and Death, then this thing should be a cinch. After all, I'm taller. Plus I already know the official Marine Corp marching song. You know, the one by Tom Lehrer.



Veena said...

You mean they don't sing the Mickey Mouse marching song anymore?

Ash said...

I remember reading in a newspaper article some time back, that the army is actually luring in recent immigrants with promises of expediated green card/citizenship processing.

Falstaff said...

Veena: Mickey Mouse song? Huh?

Ash: Interesting. To be fair, this one very clearly says it's available only to US citizens though.

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