Friday, July 07, 2006

The Order of the Purple Tomato

On the morning of 7th July, 2006, while engaged in vicious hand to hand combat with a particularly recalcitrant cabbage, Field Housewife D.W. Falstaff suffered grevious injury to the cuticle of his left middle finger. Despite being severely disabled and suffering heavy loss of blood, Field Housewife Falstaff continued to engage with the enemy, who eventually succumbed. Field Housewife Falstaff then went on to set a glorious example to his other fingers by further attacking, peeling and eventually destroying two potatoes, a bunch of beans and one particularly devastating onion that had eluded capture for weeks. For his gallantry, his courage around the kitchen fire, and for service above and beyond the call of subzi, Field Housewife Falstaff is post-prandially awarded the Order of the Purple Tomato.


Translation: I cut my finger chopping vegetables this morning and am trying to go easy on the typing. So more later.

P.S. : And then people say that women shouldn't be given hazardous front-line roles.


confused said...


Falstaff, why does not your mom just throw you out of the kitchen! Guess she is just too kind. :)

Anonymous said...

Bravo thats one feat you should be telling your grandchildren about.
Infact this should be put on the US army website. It should be able to boost the morale of the marines in the west.
Overall a very hilarious description. Take care of the finger dude.

Szerelem said...

how come all the cooking?

destination unknown said...

You make me laugh. You make me think. You make me want to read. You're part of my morning blog routine. This it just to say it's great reading you.

Abhilasha said...

In the same trend as the comment above. its amazing that in the course of a week you have become a part of my evening blog routine.
and i'm simply floored by your brilliant description of mundane chores.
and every "kitchen-antics" post of yours makes me realise why i don't step into that part of my house.

km said...

ROFL....This is why I burned my draft card several years ago.

meditativerose said...

you do know the cuticle is the little growth of skin at the base of the nails, right? the thing that grows and looks ugly if you havent gotten a manicure in a while...

not much potential for significant blood loss .. so I think you need to stop whining and get down and type!!

Patrix said...


A medal for gallantry for never more well deserved.

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious! Other people eat at home and go out for some amusement. With you in the kitchen these days, your family must be eating out (for self preservation, of course!) and then rushing home for the entertainment in the kitchen. :D


Just Mohit said...

Looks to me as if your mom has been surreptitiously planning to get you married off...and this is part of the game plan!

confused said...


No more categorization of posts? Considering your blogging frequency for which we all are grateful, it would make it extremely hard to find a particular post.

btw, I do agree with Mohit, considering your antics in kitchen, your marriage poem, wedding bells seem to be on the way. :)

drifting leaf said...

you are too damn adorable my friend...

Tabula Rasa said...

here's a challenge -- how about a purely right-handed post, no letters from the left side of the keyboard? :-D

Falstaff said...

confused: Yes. That and the fact that this way I do the cooking and she doesn't.

anon: Thanks. Actually, I'm trying to hush the whole thing up now. It turns out the cabbage didn't actually have any WMDs.

szerelem: Oh, you know. I'm at home. Mom's at work. I do what I can to 'help'.

destination unknown: Thanks

abhilasha: Thanks. And no, no, the kitchen is a wildly exciting place - home to all sorts of stimulating activity. You think writing haikus is hard? Try peeling a gnarled piece of ginger.

km: :-). I didn't get drafted, I volunteered. I'm trying to make the world safe for democracy, motherhood and very badly charred Apple Pie.

MR: Not all of us are idle enough to have time for manicures, you know.

And I did lose a lot of blood - I needed one whole thimble in transfusions.

Patrix: Thanks.

N: :-). Something like that.

JM: No, no. Quite the opposite actually. It's one of those - cook a man a fish and he'll be hungry enough to get married the next day, teach a man how to cook a fish, and who needs a wife things.

confused: Yes, I know. Sorry. Will get back to categorising soon. Just too lazy to set it up on my home computer here.

Also, no - as I said above, the whole point of learning how to cook is to be more independent and therefore under less pressure to get married. As for the wedding poem - I'm not sure how the fact that one of my few remaining single female friends just got married bodes well for potential matrimony.

leaf: Thanks

TR: Hmmm. Tough, that. Will think about it.

Salil said...

When're you going to move onto man against meat combat?

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