Monday, April 02, 2007

April Fool?

[When I posted that story yesterday I really meant it to end with the guy killing himself (it was that kind of day) but now that the suggestion's been made I can't resist playing around with it a little. In fact, just to prove that my creativity really is all peter-ed out, I'm going to provide not one, but two alternate endings]:

Miles away, on the other side of town, a lone figure is sitting in his darkened apartment, staring at the phone. Eventually, he stops waiting, goes over to the window. Opens it. Steps out. Lingers on the ledge for a minute, staring up at the moon. So Wendy isn't coming back. Pity. Not that he minds, of course, but the boys will be upset. They really miss having a mother around. Ah, well. He checks to make sure his shadow is still there, then, with a loud cock-crow to lift his spirits, leaps into the air, turns right at the second crossing and goes straight on till morning.

***

Miles away, on the other side of town, a lone figure is sitting in his darkened apartment, staring at the phone. Eventually, he stops waiting, goes over to the window. Opens it. Steps out. A quick flick of his wrist and a long web shoots out from his hand, attaches itself to the building opposite. Peter Parker is on his way.

It doesn't take him long to get there. Five minutes later he's hanging upside down above Mary Jane's bedroom window. He'd told her he would be working tonight, but it was only a ruse. What he'd wanted to tell her, what he's been thinking about all these days, is that he's going to give up crime-fighting and settle down to live a normal life. After all, all the old villains are either dead or safely in prison. The police can deal with pickpockets and drug dealers. They don't need him for that. No, he's been living a lie these last few months and it's time to give up the heroics. Just like she's always wanted him to. He's waited until April 1st to tell her because he wants her to doubt, wants her to think he's playing a prank on her, and then watch as she slowly comes to realise that he really means it. He imagines them joking about it to their friends, years later.

Only now the lights are out in her bedroom. Could she be asleep already? He lowers his head just enough to peek in. The room is dark but that doesn't matter to him. She's in bed, all right. She seems to be restless though. Tossing and turning under her blanket. Maybe one of the old nightmares coming back. He's about to jump in and comfort her, when a head bursts from the covers. Harry! But he thought that was all over! She TOLD him it was all over.

Stunned by this revelation, Spider-Man scuttles back up to the roof. His mind is in turmoil. How could she do this to him? For hours he swings back and forth over the city, never stopping, never resting, trying to forget. Eventually he ends up back on top of her building. It's no use. With great love comes great heartbreak. His career as a superhero is over, and the love of his life has turned out to be a sham. Even his beloved Aunty May is dead. He might as well end it. He walks to the edge of the roof and jumps. Every arachnid instinct in his body cries out for him to shoot out a web, save himself. But with one last, heroic burst of self-control he manages to resist the urge. His body falls 47 stories, shatters on the sidewalk.

Next day the headlines read: "Did he fall or was he pushed? Web of mystery surrounds Death of Spider-Man".

P.S. Okay, nobody move. The first smart-alec to make a comment about how I need to grow up gets it. I'm warning you.

16 comments:

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

For some inexplicable reason I felt like saying Ha-Ha like Nelson on The Simpsons when I read the Spiderman one.

Revealed said...

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Noone, but NOONE can say that was predictable.

For goodness' sake don't even think about growing up!! What a truly ghastly thought!!!

Tabula Rasa said...

but if you *really* treely ruly haven't grown up, then shouldn't you be talking about *squishing* spiders (instead of all this stuff about self-control)?

Anonymous said...

:D
Grow up? Nah..

~N.

Heh Heh said...

hahahaha...
"with great love comes great heartbreak", "every arachnid instinct".. awesome stuff.
*I* for one will certainly not tell you to grow up..

bess said...

I just love the Peter Pan bit!

Szerelem said...

GROW UP!

Sorry I couldn't resist. But anyway, what fun would that be? None at all.

wiseling said...

growing up is overrated.

Anonymous said...

now this is one hell of an alternate ending, the spiderman one.
quite hilarious. and Naah.you better not grow up.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's just me..forget about "growing up" but isnt fidelity over rated? [:p] How is your spider man different form our own desi Devdas? (ok many ways perhaps but still...)

And o how about a superman alternate ending?
-TMWWT

glittering girl said...

I didn't even think once about telling you to grow up. Else such a story with two alternative endings would be quite an impossible thing to do for the one who hasn't grown up yet! duh!

well written

Anonymous said...

Why grow up? You need to get an education first, my friend. And I hope you aren't married, because your children are sure gonna be a bunch of dumb kids :)

Now get back to entertaining the ten people who log on to praise your 'clever blog'. Taiyolli.

Lindsay Pereira said...

hi my name is lindsay pereira. i have issues with my masculinity ever since my parents gave me a girl's name.
when i was a teenager, i used to pretend to be michael jackson, with foundation cream and flowing curly hair. my aunty, eunice desouza, told me that i should act like a man, so i had to stop.
then my aunty made me do a phd in literature, so now i cannot even get a job.
every time i google my own name i come across blogs like yours that criticize me and my alternate lifestyle. please stop as you are hurting my already bruised ego.

Jesus said...

Lindsay, does Sunil actually sell samosas for a living in France?

Chevalier said...

If only Mary Jane had been walking on the sidewalk and crushed by the falling Peter Parker.
If only the Peter Parker had succumbed to his instincts, shot out a web, and bounced back - and the Scottish King watching him from a window had gone 'try, try again'.

So much potential for a grim April Fool's Day. May be May?

Lindsay Lohan-Davenport said...

Oh goody goody goody. Look who shows up on fools day. It's gang war time!

Hey Linne and Sunil. Just cool it sistas. Get over it already. It's just a blog. Come I'll teach you the Lindy Hop.