Sunday, February 17, 2008

Miniature version of Solar System discovered; developed by Apple

Cupertino, California

A spokesperson for the Apple Corporation acknowledged today that the miniature version of the Solar System discovered last week is, in fact, developed by Apple. Speaking at a press conference, the spokesperson said that the development of the miniature Solar System - tentatively called iWorld - is a logical extension of Apple's long-standing corporate strategy of pandering to Steve Job's God complex and hoping that consumers will go along.

Rumors about the connection between Apple and the newly discovered planetary system have been rife since Thursday, when astronomer Dan Newton first noticed a similarity between the orbital pattern of the system and the dial on his son's iPod. Newton said the discovery felt "like an apple falling on his head".

Confirming the rumors today, the Apple spokesperson said that the new iWorld was not only capable of sustaining Life (as many have speculated) but could also make phone calls, play movies, and have a more exciting sex life than its owner. The iWorld is currently in limited release, but will be freely available to all galaxies by 2010.

The Apple announcement comes even as insider sources in Microsoft report that Bill Gates attempts to develop his own personal Universe continue to be dogged by failure, with repeated crashes proving the new version of the Universe highly unstable. As one source said, "who wants a Universe where you have to go back to Big Bang every two days or so?"

In other news, Apple also announced the launch of the iDogWhistle - a new mp3 player that solves the problem of iPod listeners being unable to hear sounds around them by playing music at frequencies inaudible to the human ear.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tag this to humor...and how in the world does it enhance the sex life..:-)...and god bless you for this HAHA post.

Banno said...

Very funny!

DufusMaximus said...

Very funny, esplly coz I am a techie at M$.

km said...

Meanwhile, Ubuntu users continue to deny the presence of intelligent life in both the iWorld and that other failed universe. Their spokesperson, speaking from his parents' basement, said "it's all about freedom, man".

Cheshire Cat said...

Onion-worthy

Falstaff said...

anon: Thanks

banno: Thanks

dufus: Thanks. Especially cos you're a techie at MS

km: True, true. But then, what can you expect from people who were users first and only got to Ubuntu later.

cat: Thanks. Praise indeed. Onion is a level of brilliance I can only aspire to.